Change Starts From the Inside Out--One Heart At ATime, Change Starts With Me

Just before I signed off last night, I saw the following post from Coach MD, "Politics and self-interest should never get in the way of finding the truth.” The words appeared like a flashing neon sign pointing me toward something. What exactly, I was not entirely sure; but the flashing was very distracting and I have been ruminating all day until I had a chance to sit quietly with my thoughts.

Disclaimer, I do seem to struggle with ADD- type mannerisms. In my head, I am perpetually processing information to make sense of a multitude of ideas and concepts, to understand opposing points of views and to appreciate the genesis of thought. I sincerely want to understand how, and why, I and others think and act the way we do. I like to analyze, compare, contrast and see the parallels. When I am working in my professional capacity as a counselor, therapist and manager, these qualities serve me well. However, with my family and friends, I sometimes get overly excited with my personal insights and my enthusiasm to share isn’t always well received. I will admit, my delivery is sometimes a little tangential and segues are optional at best. I consider it a compliment that I just assume others can keep up. I am kidding, of course. That is my ego talking.

Lost in my own childlike enthusiasm, I forget that I have had a lot of time to digest the information, mull over it and formulate thoughts. Anxious to start a dialogue, I throw the information out expecting my counterpart to be on the same page. The truth is, they may not have even opened the book and may have little interest in my personal epiphanies.

My desire to share comes from the love of discovery and collaboration. I really enjoy the dialogue with others; having the opportunity to work through ideas and really take a deep dive. The back and forth, the process of communicating ideas is very exciting for me, especially when the dialogue is authentic, free flowing and not tied to personal motive or gain.

I remain open to new thoughts and I am fascinated by ways of thinking that I have never entertained. I learn so much from listening, observing, sharing and receiving feedback. The process adds color to my world. I don’t want to see in just black, white or grey. I appreciate that not everyone enjoys, or is comfortable with this type of communication; so, I work to be mindful of the audience and to tailor my contributions accordingly. Sometimes it really is best to just sit quietly with my thoughts.

At any given time I am usually working my way through several books. I accept that I may appear to be a walking poster child for attention deficit disorder; but, it works for me and I don't do labels. Presently the following three books are on my reading radar: The Tell-Tale Brain- A Neuroscientist's Quest for What Makes Us Human by V. S. Ramachandran; A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckardt Tolle; and, The Righteous Mind-Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt. Did I also mention I am also a blast at parties!

Admittedly, not your typical light reading material; but, what I find incredibly interesting about these three books in particular is how recurring ideas and themes seem to all be connected like philosophical fractuals. I do believe in synchronicity. That is a concept that resonates with me. In my life I am aware that when I am open and paying attention I will be given opportunities to learn new ways of thinking and being; and, these opportunities will come in all shapes, sizes, and mediums.

The particular idea that I have been toying with most recently is the concept of absolute truth. If someone else is certain that he/she has the absolute truth what if I profoundly disagree? Which one of is correct. Can we both be right? Can the construct of truth by definition be absolute? Words have the meaning we give to them. So, does truth depend on your ideas, your values, your culture; or, can we be certain that some things really are black and white. If there is such a thing as absolute truth(s)are we capable of understanding and discerning truth in a manner that we may not be deceived.

When I work with clients who have developed somewhat dysfunctional thinking about truth, I sometimes describe what I call “touch the stove” moments. For example, you may tell me the stove will burn me if I touch it. Depending on a number of variables, I may or may not be willing to take your word at face value. I may just need to be certain that what you are saying is the truth. I may need to prove you right or wrong; so, I have to touch the stove.

Consider this, when you say “Becky, do not touch the stove. It will burn you.” What you do not say is the stove will burn me when I touch it ONLY if the power is on and the elements on the stove have reached a certain temperature. Facts are tricky and they can get in the way of recognizing and understanding truth. Your statement that my touching the stove could cause a burn is true; but, only when certain conditions are met. If I test your assertion, when power to the stove is off, I will discover, not only did it not burn me; but, perhaps the surface was quite cool and not unpleasant to touch.

What am I to do with that information? There are a number of ways the brain might process this data; but, I want to share just two to illustrate my point. Finding that I did NOT get burned when I touched the stove, nor was the experience in any way painful, I might be angry with you. I may feel that I have been manipulated. I may feel that you are trying to trick me.I may tell myself that you want me to believe something that is not true and you used a fear tactic in order to assure my compliance. I may decide that you are a very bad person and that your motives are evil.

On the other hand, if I have a history with you; and, I have learned based on experience that when I follow your instructions I do not find myself in harm’s way, I may believe that you will not give me directions unless you know it will be helpful to me in some way. With my limited perspective, it may take time and patience before I will know and understand why you have given me this instruction. But in this scenario, I am willing to trust you because experience has taught me that your knowledge, understanding and wisdom are greater than mine..

When you say, “Do not touch the stove or you will get burned” I understand that what you are saying is stay away from the stove period. Just don’t go there. Because I am childlike in some ways and not able to comprehend, as you do, all the conditions under which touching the stove might cause me pain; for now, I need to avoid the stove completely. It is my choice.

I may decide to disobey and touch the stove when the power is off. I may do this several times without experiencing a negative outcome because the conditions are right. But,eventually conditions will change. I may not know when; but, If I continue to touch the stove, one day the power will be on and l will get burned.

The promise of this analogy is that if I follow the instructions, “Do Not Touch The Stove at all, ever, period” I will avoid being burned by the stove every time I choose to obey. That is an example of truth that can be proved every time if I follow he directions precisely as given. The purpose of the direction is to offer protection and guidance against unforseen dangers that will appear when conditions are right. That truth, that direction comes from a place of love.

Ekhardt Tolle asserts that there is only one Absolute Truth and all other truths emanate from that. He writes, “When you find that Truth, your actions will be in alignment with it. Human actions can reflect the truth, or it can reflect illusion.” Tolle opines that truth is inseparable from who you are and if you look for it elsewhere you will be deceived every time.

Those of the Christian faith might relate this concept to the words of Jesus Christ,“I am the way the truth and the life "(John 14:6). My personal assessment, from the Christian point of view, is Christ offers instructions that, if others choose to follow, will protect them from getting “burned” regardless of the circumstances. He doesn’t give instructions or commandments to keep individuals from experiencing life; rather, his instructions are meant to help men and women enjoy life experiences more fully by staying away from conditions that may result in self-inflicted pain. This pain is completely avoidable if men and women choose to follow his commands every time. The truth remains constant. Individual choice and consequences are the variables.

Christians are taught that if they want to become like Christ there must be a change in human nature and the change must happen from the inside out. Ezra Taft Benson explained, “The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and then they would take themselves out of the slums.The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

To affect this change in human nature, Christians are encouraged to be more kind, charitable, loving, grateful, mindful of others, selfless in their thoughts and in their actions. By focusing on their thoughts and actions it is believed that they can literally change their natural way of being and become more Christlike. In a similar way, Buddhist’s refer to your Buddha Nature and the Hindus, describe this way of becoming as Atman, the in-dwelling God.

Each school of thought, in this case, points the seeker of truth, in the same direction. They are to look within. There seems to be a universal understanding, that something of the divine lies deep within; and, when we are in touch with that part of ourselves, we desire to become aligned and in tune with its power. We become more willing to submit freely, without coercion, to the laws, commandments, rules, or conditions just to be connected to this source. Why? Because we recognize that from this source absolute truths may be discerned individually. We begin to comprehend that this source, this power, this ability to understand, to know and to choose our nature emanates from a place of unconditional love.

Every time, under every condition, if we can learn to trust the source, to trust love; once we fully grasp the concept, we will seek to become aligned, to submit willingly to the conditions, to the demands of love. The words faith, hope, patience, humility and charity; once nebulous ideas and subjective concepts, will become applied techniques that we adopt for the “soul” purpose of discerning the truths that originate from love. This is how we learn to give meaning, purpose and color to our lives.

This is heavy stuff! Changing human nature is not for the faint of heart. This requires paying attention and understanding barriers and walls that have been erected to keep change out. Chief among those barriers is the ego. The ego would have you believe that you, your concept of self, who you really are, does not exist apart from the ego. The ego, once it has adopted an idea, religion, ideology, point of view, etc, does not like to be challenged. The ego is incredibly narcissistic. The ego has to be right not matter the cost. The ego is not concerned with the facts. Once it has attached itself to a concept, the ego is going to fight to control the narrative and spin information in favor of its agenda. This is how thinking becomes conditioned and dysfunctional. This is why we may be inclined to mistake illusion for reality.

On the micro or individual level, when forced to defend its position against change, the ego will adopt a “me versus you” view of reality. If you disagree with me, it is you, not I, who am wrong. You are an idiot. I am the one with superior intellect. If you would just agree with me then we will be happy. I am right and if you were bright enough you would appreciate my wisdom and follow my lead. Sound familiar?

The ego can also erect barriers to positive functional living on a collective scale that can wreak global havoc. Entire groups can be infected with dysfunctional egoistic ideas. Individuals wedded to certain world views, ideologies, religions and politics join together with others who share mutual views that become the groups truth--their dogma and their talking points.

To maintain the collective ego, to protect it and to promote it, the group establishes a “we versus they” mentality. We are right and they are wrong. We have all the answers and they are the ones holding back progress. We have God on our side they are immoral. They are not smart enough to govern themselves, we know what is best for the greater good.. They believe in the individual but we believe in the collective. Just take a look at current events to see the destructive nature of the dysfuctional collective ego.

OK, so if love is the answer. Then why can’t we all just get along. We can’t we have a great big collective Kumbaya moment where we beat on drums, practice trust falls, dance around a fire, sing, explain and testify to one another how love works. Can't we just love each other unconditionally, join hands across the world, make a pact to be kind and stick to it. It could happen, right?

Nope, that is a delusion.—a lovely delusion; but, a delusion nonetheless. The concept of love sounds simple enough; but, in actuality it is very difficult to understand. That is why we all work so hard to define love; but, its meaning, the experience is individual and very personal. Each person must learn to look within to know what it means to be in touch with the power of love. To know what it means to love oneself, to trust one’s own ability to discern right and wrong.

This proces of changing human nature can only be understand from an intimately personal experience that is written upon each person's heart. An understanding so profound that we literally have the desire to submit to love, the source of Absolute Truth; and, we are willing to learn and to adhere to its commandments and precepts. This doesn’t happen in one collective moment. If happens one heart and one mind at a time.

Every one of us struggles with some type of dysfunctional thinking. It is part of the human condition. The first step is to understand and to admit that we have a problem. Hello, I am Becky Bro and I have dysfunctional thoughts. “Hi, Becky, welcome to our group!”

The next step is having a desire to change our dysfunctional thinking and to understand how we can change ourselves from the inside out. Each person has to work this out indvidually. No one else can do this for you. Change always starts with you and with me.. You and I may walk the same path and have completely different challenges and interpretations of experiences. The challenge is to figure out how to live a joyful happy life in spite of our circumstances.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote the following in my journal about getting in touch with my authentic self and connecting with love. This is simply an attempt to describe how I try to apply principles that I am working to understand....

I struggle daily to become acquainted with my authentic self. I am a woman intimately aware of my flaws; and I have countless gaps in my knowledge. This burgeoning self-awareness, fueled, I hope, by humility and the idea of possiblities, ignites my passion for discovery. For me, my progress demands the ongoing study and processing of new information, the deliberation of new questions, and the careful search for answers. In the crucible of my mind, I routinely perform a mental juxtaposition that seeks to reconcile competing, at times, duplicitous information acquired from society, family, religion, science, politics, culture, philosophy, and psychology. I wrestle with the question "What is my truth". I pray and I meditate. I dig into the layers of my psychic debris. I try to discover and root out personal biases so I can bring them into conscious awareness.

I am learning that an honest question cannot be encumbered by flawed or inaccurate perceptions. I acknowledge shifting paradigms, I develop personal hypothesis; and, I test my theories in the laboratory of life. As I cast off that which would prevent me from knowing, understanding and becoming my authentic self, I am learning that love is the source of truth and understanding. Without love, knowledge can be manipulated to sow discord and chaos. Love uncovers what is, and shines a light on what can be. Love is always the answer.

So, if love is the answer, each day I have to ask myself, "What is the question". This life is my opportunity to ask the questions to which only love can unlock first knowledge, then meaning and finally understanding. I am a work in progress; but, I take ownership for my life story. Every day, from moment to moment, I choose and I decide. I am the author of my own talking points. I am enough and more. With gratitude I welcome my abundance and offer sincere appreciation for opportunities to give and to receive freely. Change starts with me.