CTRL, ALT, DELETE

Counselors and therapists often incorporate cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to help clients change maladaptive behaviors. It occurred to me today, when my computer locked up, that cognitive behavioral therapy can be summed up in three keys-control, alt, delete. When it comes to computer problems, I am somewhat technically challenged; however, when all else fails, I typically try control, alt, delete. Quite often, that magically solves the problem. I cannot explain why, I just know that it does. It was while I was waiting for control, alt, delete to solve my computer problem, that I realized I encourage clients, friends and family to use the CTRL, ALT, DEL method to solve behavioral problems every day.

The premise of BroTations is that individuals can change dysfunctional thinking and behaviors by first acknowledging their thoughts in order to control content; second by altering their dysfunctional self-talk; and, third by deleting negative thoughts and behaviors. For some, this concept is a new idea; or, perhaps not new, just an idea that they have never considered. I explain that to control your thoughts, you first have to be aware of your thoughts. To be aware means to be conscious, mindful and alert. So many of us are on autopilot, we simply have no idea that we are not controlling our thoughts, instead our thoughts are controlling us.

Once we become aware of our thoughts we begin to take back control and to see why we are making some of the choices that lead to our dysfunctional behaviors. For example, I once worked with a woman with very low-self esteem who had developed a very negative outlook. She had an opportunity to apply for a new management position in her marketing department for which she was completely qualified. When she didn’t apply, I asked her why and she told me that women never get promoted at her company. This statement was not true at all; but, she was scared that she didn’t have what it takes to be a manager; so, she was comfortable with this false narrative.

Instead of updating her resume, outlining her qualifications and focusing on ideas and solutions to move the company’s marketing program forward, she spent her time engaged in negative banter with colleagues, supporting her false narrative that a woman would not be promoted to the new management position. It was quite a blow to her reality when a female co-worker, with less experience than she, was promoted to the new management position.

This was a wake-up call for my client. Devastated by the missed opportunity and the complete destruction of her false reality, she began to acknowledge how her low-self esteem had been affecting her thoughts; not only about herself, but also about how she chose to see the world. She was ready for a behavior reset. She chose to pay attention to her thoughts in order to control (CTRL) their effect, by choosing an alternative (ALT) dialogue--one that was positive and focused on deleting (DEL) negative thoughts and behaviors. She learned, when all else fails, choose CTRL, ALT, DEL for a positive solution—a complete behavior reset.