The Space Between

My dog Rascal is a bit over-zealous when he receives his morning treat. Think Scooby-doo. I know it is important to be aware when I am giving out treats because sometimes my finger mistakenly becomes part of the snack. This morning I was on autopilot, doing several things at once, when I held out my hand with his snack. The combination of my lack of awareness and his eagerness was regrettable. I snapped to attention when I felt the pain of his teeth chomp down on my finger.

I noticed how quickly my internal response went from complete lack of awareness of my consciousness to feeling pain, anger and a desire to lash out. All of this was going on inside my head; but, on the outside, other than my saying “ouch” and checking to see if there was any blood, I was able to continue on and even give Rascal a hug for giving me a lesson in self-awareness.

There was a time that my reaction would have been very different. I would have allowed the emotions of pain, anger and desire for retaliation to justify a harsh response and I would have scolded Rascal. In essence I would have been scolding him for my mistake. Rascal was responding exactly as Rascal responds when he is excited. It is I who must be responsible, pay attention, and look and talk to him when I give him his treat.

Today, however, I remembered my “space between” rule. There is a space between when we receive a stimulus and when we respond that we can consciously choose our response. In a matter a seconds, I was fully aware that I could decide how, or if I, was going to respond to Rascal. I did respond and I chose to take a moment, pet him, love him and enjoy him.

My dogs give me unconditional love every day and my life is better because of them. In the space between I realized the last thing I wanted to do was cause Rascal hurt especially when I was completely responsible. When we tap into that level of consciousness we know we are completely aware of and responsible for what happens next.

If we choose to respond with anger, then we need to own the consequences of that response. If others become hurt or offended by our response we cannot, with honesty, blame anyone or anything else because it is we who set that chain of events in motion; and, by doing so, we created a ripple effect of negativity.

Please do not mistake the meaning of my words. I am not saying that we should condone bad or hurtful behavior; but, I am saying that we need to be mindful how we, ourselves, respond to the behavior. Bad behaviors do need to be addressed with animals as well as with people; however, until we check our own emotions and attending behaviors we are not in a place to address the behaviors of anyone or anything else.

When a poisonous snake bites a person, that person has a limited amount of time to seek medical attention to get an anecdote to reverse the effects of the snake venom. If, rather than seeking immediate medical attention, he chooses to chase after the snake to “get it back,” because the snake reacted like a snake; he may catch and destroy the snake; but, in the process it is likely that he will destroy his own life.

The next time you are tempted to react defensively, to retaliate or to hurt someone else with your words or actions, consider the space- between rule. What is the goal of your reaction? Do you really want to hurt this person, is this a teaching moment; or, do you perhaps need time to address your own wounds so that the poison does not spread. Remember this; life’s most important decisions are made in the space between. In the space between stimulus and response you sew peace or discontent as you peace together life's moments.

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